He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
