you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
