Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
