The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
