Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
