I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
