Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
