Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
