I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
