that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
