Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
