Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
