Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
