Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
