The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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