I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
