My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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