I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
