I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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