Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
