direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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