There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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