Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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