i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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