So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best revenge is premature balding
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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