My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
