I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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