i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
