so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
