Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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