sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
