it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
