I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
