The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Who died my cat blue again?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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