just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
