Buhtt sex?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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