Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
