I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
