Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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