i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
