so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
