Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
