Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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