In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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