Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every concussion has its silver lining
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
