I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
