She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
