You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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