The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
