mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
