Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
