Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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