Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
