Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
