can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
