Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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