My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
