She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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